Table Of Contents: How to Screw Up Your Marriage

Chapter One: Bring me a bucket.

Chapter Two: There’s nothing under the canoe, honey.

Chapter Three: I’m not going to be the asshole this time.

Chapter Four: How do pukey couples do it?.

 

Part 1: See It

Chapter Five: What are you looking for?.

Chapter Six: Before Now..

Chapter Seven: Polarity.

Chapter Eight: Keeping It In Focus.

Chapter Nine: Dollah Dollah Bill, Y’all

Chapter Ten: Rock Flowers.

Chapter Eleven: If A Tree Falls In The Forest

Chapter Twelve: Was she a bad picker or a bad partner?.

 

Part 2: Say It.

Chapter Thirteen: I can be your hero, baby.

Chapter Fourteen: The Keys to Pamelot

Chapter Fifteen: Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative.

Chapter Sixteen: Smart(alec)phone.

Chapter Seventeen: If you don’t have something nice to say, then you’re probably not talking about my husband.

Chapter Eighteen: Smart(ass)phone.

Chapter Nineteen: (Not so)smartphone.

Chapter Twenty: There’s more than one way to say it.

Chapter Twenty-one: How’s the weather out there?.

Chapter Twenty-two: Happiness is love of Eric in my rearview mirror.

 

Part 3: Honor It.

Chapter Twenty-three: My Second-Most Important Anniversary.

Chapter Twenty-four: Gettin’ It On.

Chapter Twenty-five: The Heater

Chapter Twenty-six: Cardinale.

Chapter Twenty-seven: Boogie Shoes.

Chapter Twenty-eight: Happy F***in’ Birthday.

Chapter Twenty-nine: RIP, my fine-feathered friend.

Chapter Thirty: Boot Scootin’

 

Part 4: Do It.

Chapter Thirty-one: Does more sex make it better?.

Chapter Thirty-two: Aphrodisiac.

Chapter Thirty-three: Screw my best intentions.

Chapter Thirty-four: Looking For Love In All The Right Places.

Chapter Thirty-five: In Which Eric Brings Me Something Back From India.

Chapter Thirty-six: Tan Lines.

Chapter Thirty-seven: There’s an old flame burning in my eyes.

Chapter Thirty-eight: Junk In The Trunk.

Chapter Thirty-nine: Kiss and make up, or die trying.

Chapter Forty: The end is the beginning.

 

Part 5: Be It.

Chapter Forty-one: Two True.

Chapter Forty-two: The Rush Of Time Past My Face.

Chapter Forty-three: Big Love And The Crack Baby.

Chapter Forty-four: Old Farts’ Date Night

Chapter Forty-five: Peace Out

Chapter Forty-six: Wrong Time Zone.

Chapter Forty-seven: From Here to Eternity.

Chapter Forty-eight: Happily Ever After

 

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